Jan. 27th, 2010

bowtrunckle: ("Haha ... No")
I have a guilty confession.  During the time I've been stuck on the couch feeding a baby, my activities have been limited to things I can easily access within a two-foot radius and things I can do one or no handed.  In addition, I've become brain dead (I kid you not) and have lost my crazy mad skills of concentration ... a very unfortunate combination for someone who does not want to be driven to the brink of insanity from stupid attention-deficit-like thoughts stuck on mental replay.  In order to prevent suffocating myself with throw pillows (and really there are only so many times I can rewatch episodes of "Glee" and "Modern Family"), I've been filling my brain with mental junk food and somehow found my way to the garbage can that is spn_gossip.  You guys, it's like a squadron of flaming fighter planes falling from the sky onto a fleet of aircraft carriers that sink and crash into a gazillion submarines that plummet into the bottom of the ocean and set off magnitude 10 earthquakes (never mind this is not geologically possible) that create tsunami ("tsunami" is singular and plural being that it's Japanese ... hello, news anchors, get it right arrrghghg) that decimate the whole world.  In short, it's a freaking disaster so horrifying that I cannot not watch or, in this case, read.  After I've left my self-control behind and clicked on links and threads there, I feel dirty and horrified and my eyeballs have almost dried out because of the incredulous staring.  I vow to never go there again because for hours afterward I want to dig my brain out of my head with a wooden spoon to unknow what I never wanted to know but was too bored and stupid to not find out about.  *makes idiot face*  But it was always easy to just hehe about it and blow off most everything posted there as unsubstantiated and probably false and just be horrified and strangely entertained by the creepiness of anonymous people on the internet who, I hoped, were probably just lying to stir the pot.   

But now this video gives truth to some of the horrendous gossip that's been circulating there and makes me wonder how much other wanky stuff might actually have something substantial behind it.  And if there's any nugget of truth to some of the more recent rumors, then it seems like places like spn_gossip are becoming known and seemingly frequented by people affiliated with the show, which, to me, is embarrassing.  That place is where crazy goes to have drunken binges and make thousands of two-headed crazy babies with buck teeth and hairy bums.  I'd like to think that spn_gossip is not representative of the majority of fandom and that non-fandom people, specifically Show people, don't think that it is.  But if I wasn't part of this fandom and started reading there, I'd probably run screaming from the vicinity of ANY fangirl/convention.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with gossip as entertainment or people who have fun posting there or reading threads there (hello, I read stuff there).  I just am embarrassed that it has begun creeping into real life and into the hands of people who are the subjects of discussions there because by nature anonymous gossip communities are full of half truths, conspiracies, overt lies served up with a side of obsession that sometimes results behaviors that, I think, can teeter on the edge of inappropriate invasions of privacy.  That's why it's crazy/scary/I-can't-look-away/secretive entertainment (entertainment meaning that it doesn't necessarily have to be real or true).  It's where people just gallivant around with it all hanging out because, right or wrong, it's not meant to be taken seriously (RIGHT? RIGHT?) and surely not meant for the people its about to actually read it and mistakenly believe that a large part of fandom thinks what's there is true (RIGHT? RIGHT?), and the saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" very much applies.  Maybe I'm just too sensitive to the secondary general embarrassment (omg, I'm so embarrassed for him/her/you/that stranger on the street who just tripped and fell that I can't look) thing, but I just ... this fandom is crazycakes and, omg, I'm part of it!  *laughs and covers face and can't look*  Insanity.  In summary, I have no self control, am easily embarrassed for other people, and had too much caffeine before bed such that I'm on LJ babbling about inconsequental fannish blah blah blah blaaaahh when I should be sleeping.  Go me.  *waves flags* 

Also, this fandom is a disaster in the best and worst ways.

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